Man: Who are you?
She: I'm the one you wrote about so beautifully some time ago.
Man: I have seen you before. You were beside my bed when I was a child. I remember your eyes.
She: You had a high fever.
Man: About that poem. I am not very pleased with it.
She: Don't' let it discourage you. It is something between the two of us. Only we can judge its appearance but do we have a need for that.
Man: I don't know. I just made out that it was a high time to get lost in the virgin wood.
She: So that nobody thinks that you have killed yourself, particularly your sister, but just lost your way.
Man: Where's Vera.
She: She is here and I take care of her. Your sister will need her in the very next future to come.
Man: She is so helpless without me that I feel myself as a villain.
She: Don't worry your sister knows how to live with her.
Then the man smiled. Vera came to him and sat down on his lap. He couldn't leave her alone because she looked at him so imploringly. He was aware that the cat couldn't survive alone in the middle of nowhere and that's why he was prepared to put her down even though he knew it wouldn't be easy. She was so cute. He could not use any kind of weapon. The strangulation was the only option. Awful, anyway, because it would take at least some minutes before she would pass away.
Man: Can you guarantee that Vera will get back to home. It is a very, very long way there from this spot.
She: Yes I can, and also you can still change your mind and turn back.
Man: I don't want to do that. I can't consider anything worse than live without the memory in some nursing home. It is the most disgusting end I can image.
She: All right. Let's not talk about it anymore.
Man: I see but how long must I wait here?
She: Not long. Soon the cold wind is going to trigger the process. After that it will snow and you fall in sleep.
Man: And Vera.
She: She will cuddle up to you but we must wait one day and night. Vera couldn't survive after your death body is iced.
Man: I guess the rescue team will come in help.
Yes: They arrive in time if we wait awhile now.
Man wondered would there be life after death but somehow he didn't feel like asking it. He enjoyed being with her just like this. Perhaps she gets angry if he asked trade secrets. She was as small as a five year old child but her face was serious. Her big blue eyes were sad even when she smiled to him. The wind had disorganized her hair.
She: Penny for your thoughts.
Man: Are you saying that you don't know what I am musing.
She: Of course I know but I try to kill time.
Man: What's the point to tell you then?
She: Let's take it as a sign.
Man: All right, would there be afterlife?
She: I don't know because I haven't done anything but lived.
Man: It can't be a happy destiny.
She: No, it is not good to live forever but the worst of all is to be misunderstood. Somebody has to do this job anyway.
Man: Do you see every human being from this world?
She: Normally, I don't make myself visible because people are too afraid of seeing anything abnormal at the moment of death. I just try to be as quick as possible.
Man: But some people suffer years before they pass away.
She: That's life. I come to the picture when the breathing is supposed to end.
Man was sure that she knew more than she said. Perhaps she didn't want to upset me, he decided. Then he fell in deep and long sleep. He was weak after being many days in the forest. It wasn't a miracle that he slept one night and a part of the next day a way. When he opened his eyes the wood was like a Christmas postcard with the snow everywhere.
Man: Do they come today?
She: Yes they will be here soon and you don't have to wait any longer.
Man: Somehow I sensed it when I was a child who you are.
She: You have always been very sensitive and open for things. People like that don't take fright at easily.
Man gave her a nod and stroked Vera's fur. The cat looked like one who had caught a thousand mice in a week. Then Death put the back of his hands inside of her own palms. Her skin was colder than ice. The last thing the man saw in this world was a tear drop on Death's cheek. The moon light has crystallized it. Then Death took his note book from his pocket. She didn't want to share this poem with anyone:
Unhappiest of all
is the personification of death.
She has no own will
but the words have put
into her mouth
unlike the other
good or evil creatures
who talk through their hats.
There where we
are forced to born
the death is obliged to kill
yet alone is blamed for
She turned into invisible before the rescue team arrived and stayed in the neighborhood.
She smiled when one of the team members found out: He's dead but this cat is very much alive.
Husband: Darling, I saw the television commercial on the new antiperspirant
which makes it possible to do more exercises than ever before and the protection
won't fail you. They promised exactly eight times more.
Wife: I, see.
Husband: Now we can make love like rabbits and you don't have to suffer from my smell.
Wife: Darling, you have no erection, even with the blue pill.
Husband: Oh, you're right, honey, as usual. It is just I get carried away with these new inventions and techniques. I hope that you are not very disappointed now.
Wife: No, my man. I haven't been disappointed in the last ten years.
Husband: I feel shame now.
Wife: Don't be; just keep on watching television but be careful, and if you don't mind I would like to concentrate on knitting now.
Husband: Absolutely, that's fair, my sweetheart.
I have heard the urban, or should I say rural, legend about a Finnish farmer. He either his wife didn't know how to make babies. When a doctor found this out he explained the process to the young couple.
Next summer Dr. Virta went again to the farm but no children were born. He asked displeased: "Haven't I explained the procedure" but soon he realized that he must show how it happens. He gave the flashlight to a man, because the bedroom was a bit dark, and asked a man to light up the right place while he is doing the act so that the farmer can do it on his own.
After the lapse of five years the doctor, who worked in the village only as a summer substitute in addition to his work in the city, thought that he must see whether the young couple has offspring. When our doctor arrived to the destination he saw young children running outside the house. A young man seemed to be very proud of his achievements. The doctor smiled and said to him that the first step is always the hardest.
Yes, admitted the farmer, but ever since I have known how to light up the right place there haven't been any problems, and our neighbor has been a friend in need.
The Finnish Rural Legend
in English dramatized,
translated and revised by
Explanation: Virta, a Finnish surmane, can be translated as Stream. If you say in Finland that "jollakulla on virtaa" it means that he/she has a lot of engergy (drive).